Thursday, 13 January 2011

Regrets....I had a few!

On the whole I have to admit to being more than a little content with my lot. I met my wonderful man whom I love and adore and he loves and adores me back so much so that he asked me to marry him. I have two smashing sons,good health, a job that I really enjoy despite the lousy pay, a loving family and fantastic friends. I really have nothing at all to complain about. Everything is pretty much hunkydory in the world of me. I suppose there is the little matter of going through a divorce that could be a bit of a blot on the landscape, but its a formality that has to be dealt with and is three years overdue.
I like to think that rather than dwell on the past, I  look towards the future with optimism.What's the point of harping back to what was, when you can still have a hand in shaping what will be. That doesn't mean that I don't have any regrets. Of course I do, who doesn't!

I regret being lazy at school. Sitting at the back of the class in maths doodling away  and ending up with a CSE grade 2 which is no good to anyone. I regret ignoring my dentists advice way back to see an orthodontist and have refused to smile showing my wonky teeth ever since. I shouldn't have scived sixth form lessons and then sadly only achieving an A level in Home Economics. I became very proficient at baking bread and calculating the nutritional value of a meal but little else.Sometimes I wish that I had gone to uni and experienced the life of a student, but then again I went to central London when I was 18, paid next to nothing to live in rather nice hospital accomodation and got paid to train as a nurse. I have never since had so much disposible income ! At the time I enjoyed my job and over the years slowly climbed the promotion ladder. I finally knew that I had got somewhere when I got to wear a rather silly frilly cap that you needed a degree in origami and a ton of starch to get it to stay in place! Looking back now though, I wish that I hadn't chosen to go into nursing, but had trained to be a teacher instead. I absolutely love my job as a Teaching Assistant and I think that I'm good at it, but I feel that I have let myself down by not reaching my full potential through a lack of drive and ambition to do my teacher training. And I would have had to have upgraded that maths qualification!
I wish that I had seen more of the world outside of Europe. Unlikely now as Mr R is not a keen flyer. Worked abroad, taken up a sport and kept fit, bought a house with character rather than a boxy new build, eaten less, kept up learning french at night school and not eaten that chocolate truffle two minutes ago!

I don't regret my marriage, but I do regret the wasted later years when neither of us made an effort and we just drifted apart until the gulf between us could not be bridged.But if we had parted earlier mine and Mr R's path may not have crossed when they did. I believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason.

Enough of this deep and meaningful ramble.. Much too heavy ! Back to wedding talk next time.

Take care
Brigitte xx

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